To Be Or Not To Be: Who You Want To Be

I have recently re-entered the dating world after an eight-year sabbatical due to love, marriage, sudden loss, and traumatic grief. The idea of dating again is daunting to say the least. When I considered getting back in the game, I did not think it sounded like a good time. However, it did not seem like it could be any worse than what I experienced in loss and grief, so what the hay, let me throw caution to the wind.

The idea of actually being on a date with a man seemed intimidating and scary. I was full of anxiety. My mind was running a marathon, not a sprint; so I started venting to different friends to let the emotions out and one inspiring friend, Jessie McMahon, said something quite interesting. She said, “dating is fun!” Huh??? I thought I heard her wrong. It felt like the opposite to me. “You can be whoever you want to be,” she explained. “It’s like acting. I could be really quiet and reserved on the date and the guy would think that is how I am. Or I could be a big ball of energy. Then the date would leave him thinking that is just how I am. I could be anything.”

Wow, that actually did sound kind of fun. This idea that you have the ability and opportunity to reinvent yourself with every new person. The goal of this is not to deceive the other person or pretend to be something you are not. It is to feel confident that you can be what you aspire to be, or at least more like it. It reminds me of the phrase, “fake it until you make it.” No one knows in the beginning that you are not naturally like that. But the practice of exercising that personality, behavior, attitude, or change in yourself is nonetheless real and over time, I presume you would become more and more like that person you aspire to and then bam, you are that person. You feel good. You feel strong. You feel confident and self-assured. Ready to take on the world. One date at a time.

With champagne wishes and dating dreams,

Nikola Rosa