“Signs, signs, everywhere there’s signs…” The song by Five Man Electrical Band and covered by Tesla keeps running through my head. IT IS A SIGN! Ha! The song is not about this, but I can hardly ignore the connections between these band names and my namesake. In my life, the signs I am always referring to come from above. They come from God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, or angels like my late husband and soulmate Jerry Gass Jr.
I had seen signs and experienced things in my earlier life that seemed to be too much to call a coincidence. Yet I remained skeptical. I remained distracted by life. Then suddenly my husband was gone; overnight, and things changed. I became more available due to my grief and loss and more keenly aware of these signs when they struck in my life. I have often said I know they are from my husband because I know his love intimately; what it feels like. Love between two people is like a fingerprint. The residual feeling left behind from the moments shared with one another is completely unique.
No two loves or feelings of love are exactly alike. When I have seen these signs, I have felt that feeling. That same feeling of love I shared with my husband, and only him. The feeling begins in my heart and then flows via my veins through my whole body and rocks my mind. Well, that is what love feels like to me. But the flavor of that love as it hits me and runs through me; that had markers on it. The markers of my husband and his love for me. I KNOW it was him.
People probably think I am crazy; or desperate with traumatic grief. Usually people are kind and compassionate and nod their heads as if they get it. And then there are people that do. Other people who have close loved ones in Heaven; soulmates in Heaven; mothers or fathers in Heaven. The point is, once you have lost someone, anyone, who you are so intimately connected to and intertwined with in life, if they send you signs, you know it. They are not vague. They do not beat around the bush. Their message or purpose is much more complicated to discern, but there is one thing I know for sure: They are present and they want us to know it.
Sometimes it is a song on the radio at just the right time. Sometimes it is numbers on a license plate. Sometimes it is a chance encounter with a stranger where you discover unbelievable commonalities. Yesterday it was a receipt. At the grocery store I checked out and was given my receipt, but the clerk did not have the cash back I requested in her drawer. She asked me to wait for it. She checked out the next person who bought only bananas. Then my cash came from the manager. The clerk gave me my cash and accidentally gave me the receipt of the person who bought the bananas. When I got home I glanced at the receipt. How much did the bananas cost? $2.14. Not only is 2/14 Valentine’s Day, but when I was dating my husband, 214 was the number of his room in the barracks on Fort Bragg. Sounds silly I know. Until you receive signs like these over and over nearly every day for YEARS. Then you will know.
Wishing you signs,